That of a serious man

How can I become serious? 

Become that of a serious man.

I am not that tough
I am not big enough
My anger gets the best of me
Paranoia devours the rest of me

I do make jokes and laugh;
All the time
Making Joker of myself; value
Not a dime
Recognition deprivation makes me; tequila
Salt and Lime
May I forgive myself, I couldn't be
Silent Joker mime

Some ridicule me, in my being ways
My ego is hurt when; what friend says
I exude sharp anger, on such days
Blood-thirsty for blood frenzy;
like stoned sharks in bays

Transform ego and contain anger; yes, I can
Had my character been that of a serious man

Knowingly confused anger of mine
Toxic anger poisons me in return
Like, holding a burning charcoal
Expecting someone else to burn

Handling pressure peacefully
Of that, I have no records
Yet, a silent and serious being
Is what I will move towards
I don't want to be an angry man
Yelling hurts my vocal cords
I want to be a serious man
Who speaks limited words...

Seeing in Colors (Article)

Seeing in Colors                                                                         6th August 2015

Today, I woke up late and missed my work. Maybe, I did that on subconsciously, because I feel lazy to go to work. I mostly, spend my days doing nothing. I waste time away thinking. A variety of thoughts come to my mind; most of them productive, some of them destructive.  

My best ways, to spend time away for me is to learn something easily. For this, I watch movie and series ;)

The rest of the day is messed up like always, yet still I love it.  I feel so because, over the experience I have realized that in the end, nothing bad will really happen. That everything will work out. There is no need to fear. Unless you commit a huge crime, then you’re messed up for life; brothers and sisters.

Right now, I am about to reach my 3^rd decade of life. I don’t do anything special in life. Somehow, I manage to do little things of everything. I recently completed by Master’s Degree from Thailand on Public Policy major.

I have joined a Philosophy of Doctorate (PhD.) program (degree), from GSPA NIDA, which is located in Bangkok, Thailand (Area name: Ramkhamhaeng 118)

For Work: I am currently an Interpreter for Nepali to English Language for a non-profit organization called “United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR)” In this workplace my job task is easy and doesn’t require me to work, every day. So, I have been granted 9 days of work/month, as a part-time work.

Other than that my hobbies include: writing as much as possible about the things I have thought about writing. These, consists of ideas to implement, Innovation and policies regarding human development, Business ideas. Productive works which I would like to copyright then use it for the benefit of human welfare. 

And this is why most of the time is messed up. Thinking and merely dreaming about it doesn’t change anything. The very moment we wake up from our dreams, see the world and people around; outside our homes.  We realize that it is going to be not an easy task among all the competition, unknown stranger, and potential danger. Everyone is fighting for what they want from one main market, which is imaginary so to speak, yet contains everything people are looking for. In this platform, everybody has brought their ideas, products, capital, resources, opportunities and some have brought a whole extra bag of lies, deceit, and scam.

It is not an easy world, but this is it. We should not be saddened seeing or hearing this. Rather, make our skin thicker. Remind ourselves, everybody does it, so can we. This attitude will make us tougher and stronger, especially for lone people, who lack support and proper guidance from not having anyone to tell them these things or motivate them in times of low morale.

At times, we fall. Sometimes, when we fall we make it difficult for ourselves to pull back up. We tell ourselves all sort of things, to who should be blamed for our fall or failure. But, this does not do anything to bounce back. Instead, it weakens us emotionally and consequently weakens us mentally.

In any scenario as such, if we just change our mind or attitude of that of a stronger person. Like a person who can laugh away at the problem. Accept what has happened, and instead of emotionally saddening away at the problem, rather physically working on the next thing to do to eliminate next losses. This prompt action is needed because when one bad thing happens another is waiting to happen at any moment soon. Being aware helps a lot, reminding self to breathe at all times of pain and worries and troubles of all sorts. Finally, what I want to say on this matter is, if we change the way we see the problem the different outcome, we will enable it to, come about.

Try seeing it in different Colors. And use the one which is the most efficient one. When it comes to work and challenges, let's be Practical not emotional. 

Emotions are good for other reasons. We will talk about that another time.

Till then…

Savior (poem)

Savior

Who is our savior,
Where art thou?
Where do we find her,
Anyone, know how?

What land do they live in,
Where do they come from?
If they're just watching us,
They must be playing dumb

We seek a leader
Not a Grim Reaper
Who is humble as a teacher
Preaching words, even deeper
Leadership, none less of a Caesar
Of hostile environment, a seizure
Such is the feature
Of our beloved keeper

Keeper of our tortured soul
Who redeems, to transform whole
A liberator, who mines our minds
Empowering vision; shattering blinds.

So, when we witness such Savior
Let's grant them, our mightiest Rapier
When enemy's obstacle gets crazier
May this rapier impact tenfold, of meteor.

But, of course...

The super-supreme savior
Is that of a soulmate love
Whom, without a Rapier
Can scuff us, rough & tough
Whom, solely is enough
Whose ways, weigh above
May that, be of Love...

Taxi Rides

Damn, I love the taxi rides. I go here and there, everywhere. I call up random friends ask them who is free to hangout and go to them taking a taxi. Similarly, today also here I am in a taxi on an Hour ride. Getting to talk to the cab driver. Practicing foreign language. Getting to learn about their life and listen to their story. 

At these times, I like to offer them my experience. For example, my cab driver told me he has a daughter, who is 16 years old and studies in school. 

I asked him does she study well? 

He replied, my daughter likes to play phone, a lot. Uses Facebook and likes to chat on Line App a lot. 

I told him. That is alright. Let her chat as much as she wants. But just tell her one thing. Try not to chat in her mother tongue(Thai). Try to chat in English Language. This will improve her language. Social Apps can also be a good place to improve speaking and writing for Thai kids who are poor in English Language. 

He laughed and said "good idea" 

Isn't it so lovely, to just get to know random people. Share conversation for fun. Joke a little, laugh a lot. 

From this year, I have tried to make at least one new friend a month. 

This has been great. It helps me to reach places normally I wouldn't have from the new made connection of friends and people. 

In this everyday life of mine, I love taxi for this reason. 

I think a lot with less concentration to drive. Plus, I also fear getting killed or much worse killing other people from my bad driving. That's why, Taxis are my savior. I enjoy the ride. It takes me to my far or near destination. I get to think about all the things that comes to my thinking mind. I get to write about stuffs that are on my mind. And it works better, while I am being driven. 

I am not a rich person with cars and driver at disposal. So, as the best substitute, Taxis do the trick for me. 

Thank you to all the taxi and the taxi drivers who have drove me anywhere. 

Thank you for your companionship and your wonderful conversation and sharing a part of your life and asking about a part of my life. It brings joy to get to talk to people in this world of strangers.

Home

What is home and Where is it??
Is it just a place to sleep and sit??
That sounds similar with jail, a bit
Shelter to pass night, at dawn we split
No, that's just not it. I admit.

Home is our soul's crib
On our soul, holds a grip
Calls us back, from all our trip
No matter how far, we sail ship
Finally at home, a complete round-trip

Where one lives permanently is not always a home
Where one sits peacefully, that's always his throne

House and home are two different things
Differentiated from feeling it brings
One lets you, live; other live like the Kings.
Houses give, sensation of suffocating stings
But Homes', they have bell that rings
Strums melodious strings
Plus, gives freedom wings

Houses are made, Homes' become...

But, even I have yet to find
A home, made for my kind
A resting ground for my mind
Where I am safely kept and dined
A location of home, clearly defined
Under constellations, perfectly aligned
A home, intricately designed.

Death of a Cockroach

At first it appeared

Immediately I feared

Backwards I steered

'Twas creepy and weird

Its death when I thought

Let-live or die, dilemma it brought

So, moral justice I sought

It brings fear and distraught

To myself I taught

Must kill it, with myself I fought

I ran down the stairs

There, beside the chairs

Found Baygon, its death weapon

This will send it straight to heaven

I came back to the spot

Stared at it a lot

Prayed to the god

And sprayed, the death shot

Immediately, it ran violently

I kept spraying constantly

It ran some more abruptly

But death caught on, consequently

There it lay, in front of me

I kneeled down to see

Prayed for it, again to thee

Waited for its life to flee

Took so long that I couldn't wait

Time was midnight, already late

Put a paper under its weight

Threw it out and sealed its fate.

Experience of a Human Life

Thinking of all the experiences, all human beings must go through, (sigh…)

These experiences are not what one would call good or pleasant experiences in anyway, but somehow essential, according to “The Nature”

These experiences include things like:

·       

• Accidents Of All Kinds
• Broken House and Family
• Getting Your House Robbed
• Cunning Enemies
• Getting Heart-Broken
• Fraudulent Activities Against You
• Mental Tension
• Emotional Blackmail
• And the list goes on…

Rarely, we avoid some of these experiences, but unluckily suffer many of them as time goes by.

In this human living, Suffering plays such a vital role in growing up.

One reason could be because, unlike happy moments which we forget easily; inner distress which arises from having suffered the pain is what comes to our remembrance the most.

Let’s give it a trial. Try to remember all the happy moments of our life. We will find, we can only remember a handful of them, even though we shared many happy moments with good people.

Now, let’s think of all the sufferings we went through. Don’t we remember all of them with details?

Like it happened yesterday! (Sigh…)

Sigh- because this is one of the negative capacities of our human brain. To - quickly forget the good moments and happiness. But remember the sufferings for a long time.

And, the case is similar, when someone is good to us 100 times. We won’t see that or remember it and be grateful. But let this same person commit one bad act towards us, intentionally or unintentionally. And we will remember this bad conduct for a long period of time; completely ignoring the 100 times of good conduct.

Some argue that “Impression” is an emotional element of life which has to be maintained always. On this subject matter, my thinking and perceiving leads me to believe that yes, the fault is in fact in our stars. It is us; who see, think, and act in such a way.  

Analyzing and judging, waiting for someone to make mistakes; so that we can get a good laugh about it. I am not talking about strangers only; we do this to even our close people, our close friends. We judge them by the way we perceive them in their everyday endeavors. But we do not know why they do, what they do. And similarly, others are doing the same things to us.

So, definitely the fault lies in our own self for being this way, for allowing our minds to function in such a way. This way of behaving happens as a side effect from the habit of gaining experience through pain and suffering.

When we keep doing one thing or working in one fixed method, we train our minds to function in this habit.

Suffering from circumstances is not a bad thing. We do grow “a wise”, from our mistakes and from analyzing our experiences.

One bad effect of the above statement is that we also create the circumstance which makes us suffer or others and this is not good, on our individual part.

We cannot forget what our mind experiences, especially the bad experiences. But we can overpower it by creating even larger number of good experiences.

Bad experiences are like Black Magic. The result is a painful twist, but the lesson learned from it, is profound.

So use your experiences, all good and bad, to guide you towards your future and your future situation/circumstances, but don’t hold on to any suffering forever. Give others a chance, expect nothing from them. So, we won’t be disappointed. Let them live their life and let’s not analyze their actions and behavior if no one is being affected or hurt through their actions.

In my life, I found out that all of them are just like us. Unknown to and still learning, how to be social among others, while still trying to be the person, their inner asks of them to be. In order to display each and everyone’s unique individuality. It’s a complex feeling.

Let’s give everyone a break. Let’s give ourselves a break. Let’s forgive others and before that let’s forgive ourselves too, for all the mistakes we made and all the sufferings we caused.

However, one thing we should do is use caution. Give them a chance, but neither be fooled by them.

Live and Let Live…

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   - Thoughtmonger